i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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