a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
