I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
