How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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