Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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