bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
