his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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