do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
