So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
