You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
