This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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