I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
