Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Be still, my beating vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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