You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
