I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
