i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
