If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
