NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
