This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize