MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
