you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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