Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
