She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize