ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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