yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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