My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
