I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
