I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
