moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
