Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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