I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Panties = found
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
