We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
