im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
