and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize