Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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