he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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