I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
MIDGETS
????
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
