my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
