Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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