Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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