Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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