i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
