Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
