just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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