I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
