I'm passing your future prison.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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