go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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