Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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