return my video game
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
