She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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