Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
