good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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