..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
