u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
