Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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