I don't think brook has ever known best
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
