there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
