I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
how does that bad decision feel?
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