if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
