paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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