i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize