I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
