so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
