I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
