ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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