Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
