You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
