Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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