I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
