My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
