and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize