i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
