using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
