her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
