I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
