Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
