FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
