it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
