my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
