thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize