dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
