I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize