I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
