Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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